Best Sexy Habits of Men

The Underrated Sexy Habits That Will Make Women Obsessed (or Call the Authorities)

Gentlemen, forget everything you’ve been told about what makes a man attractive. It’s not just about confidence, six-pack abs, or owning a dog you “rescued” (but suspiciously resembles a $3,000 designer breed). No, real sex appeal comes from something much deeper—something mysterious, something unsettling, something that makes women stop and think, “Is he the love of my life… or a danger to society?”

According to the latest questionable science, women don’t want a perfectly polished man. They want a man who yawns mid-conversation, a man who stares at his frozen pizza options like he’s solving a moral dilemma, a man who knows how to locate fresh water when civilization inevitably collapses. These are the real indicators of a high-value male—signs of a guy who can survive, adapt, and possibly outlast humanity.

Forget pickup lines and expensive cologne. If you really want to stand out, you need to master the Strategic Yawn, the Grocery Store Stare, the Useless Mystery Skill, and the Mildly Concerning Doomsday Readiness.

Women love a man who keeps them guessing. Guessing whether he’s their soulmate—or the guy the FBI has been tracking for years.

1. The Art of the Strategic Yawn

A well-timed yawn is the ultimate power move. Nothing says confidence like demonstrating your absolute indifference to the passage of time. A man who yawns mid-conversation tells the world, “I have better things to do, but for now, I’m here. You’re welcome.”

According to the International Bureau of Alpha Male Studies (funded entirely by guys named Chad), yawning communicates virility, mystery, and an unshakable internal clock that functions independently of society. Bonus points if you yawn while making direct eye contact. It asserts dominance. It confuses. It captivates.

“I once yawned so confidently on a first date that she leaned in and whispered, ‘Wow, you really don’t care about me at all. I love that.’” — Brad, self-certified dating coach

2. The Seductive Grocery Store Stare

Forget Tinder. The sexiest thing a man can do is stand in the frozen pizza aisle, gazing blankly at a box of Bagel Bites, lost in thought. Women love a man who contemplates his food choices like a Renaissance philosopher debating the existence of God.

Why? Because indecision is attractive when done with enough intensity. Experts from the Institute of Questionable Psychology confirm that “a man paralyzed by the question of ‘Do I want stuffed crust?’ is demonstrating his depth, his emotional range, and his potential as a lifelong partner.”

For best results:

• Mutter things under your breath. (“Four cheeses… but is that too many?”)
• Run your hand through your hair like a tortured artist.
• Whisper ‘What would Plato do?’ and nod solemnly.

This technique has a 67% success rate in leading to spontaneous flirtation, or at the very least, free samples from the deli lady who “feels bad for you.”

3. Own a Mysterious but Completely Useless Skill

Women love a man with a skill that is both impressive and utterly impractical. A guy who can tie a cherry stem in his mouth? Hot. A guy who can juggle three oranges? Intriguing. A guy who speaks fluent Latin but only when discussing minor plumbing issues? Irresistible.

Sociologists at the University of Made-Up Studies found that 9 out of 10 women surveyed claimed they were “deeply moved” by men who possessed hyper-specific knowledge, like:

• The ability to identify any bird by its shadow.
• A personal theory about why Bigfoot is “probably just a guy named Gary.”
• A working knowledge of medieval catapult physics, despite never needing it.

Dating experts agree that “mystery is sexy.” But an unnecessary mystery? That’s deadly.

“I once watched a man solve a Rubik’s cube with his feet while blindfolded, and I was so turned on I blacked out for two hours.” — Anonymous woman, still recovering

4. Be Just a Little Too Comfortable in an Apocalypse Scenario

Nothing is more attractive than a man who casually assumes the world is ending but is still emotionally prepared for it. Women swoon over a guy who, in the middle of brunch, casually mutters, “If the power grid fails, I know where to get clean water.”

According to a very real and not-at-all-questionable study conducted by Doomsday Prepper Magazine, 73% of people find it attractive when a man exudes quiet, eerie confidence in his ability to thrive in societal collapse.

What should you do?

• Casually mention bunker locations in everyday conversation. (“This coffee is great, but I prefer the beans I buried in a vault under my house for emergencies.”)
• Talk about how many weeks of food rations you have, even when nobody asks.
• Wear a rugged, distressed leather jacket at all times.
• Say cryptic things like “I hope it doesn’t come to that” and refuse to elaborate.

Nothing drives attraction like the unsettling feeling that you might have been a warlord in a past life.

“I once dated a guy who knew exactly how long it would take for a human body to decompose in the woods. I felt so safe.” — Samantha, still unsure if she should be impressed or scared

Final Thoughts

Sure, confidence and good hygiene are fine, but real sex appeal comes from controlled chaos, unexplained talents, and an unnerving level of apocalyptic preparedness.

Want to be unforgettable? Yawn strategically. Stare at your groceries like they hold the meaning of life. Become an expert in something nobody needs. And above all, be the guy who is both attractive and mildly concerning.

Now go forth, gentlemen, and seduce responsibly.

What the Funny People Are Saying…

“Women love a man who looks like he’s deeply contemplating his frozen pizza options. Nothing says ‘provider’ like a guy staring at a DiGiorno box like it’s a message from the gods.” — Jerry Seinfeld

“Confidence is sexy, sure—but you know what’s really sexy? A man who yawns mid-date like he’s already bored of you. That’s a power move. That’s alpha.” — Chris Rock

“I once dated a guy who could identify any bird just by its shadow. I was impressed, but also deeply suspicious. Like… how many people has this man buried in the woods?” — Sarah Silverman

“Guys, if you want to impress a woman, just start saying cryptic survivalist stuff. ‘Oh, you like this restaurant? That’s nice. Me? I prefer my hidden stash of canned goods in an undisclosed location.’ Boom. She’s into you. Or terrified. Either way, it’s a reaction!” — Dave Chappelle

“Men always think women want six-pack abs. No, what we want is a man who can casually build a flamethrower from household items while we’re watching a rom-com.” — Amy Schumer

“Dating is weird now. A guy told me, ‘If society collapses, I know how to make fire from scratch.’ I was like, ‘Cool, but can you text back within 48 hours?’” — Ali Wong

“You ever see a guy just too good at an apocalypse scenario? Like, he’s got a bunker, rations, a map with ‘safe zones’ marked? That’s not a skill. That’s a confession.” — Trevor Noah

“I once went out with a guy who could solve a Rubik’s cube with his feet. Yeah, that was sexy. But then I thought, ‘Why did he have so much time to learn this? What does he do for a living? What’s his plan here?’” — Michelle Wolf

“You want to keep a woman’s attention? Be unnecessarily mysterious. Say things like ‘I know things about the moon they don’t want you to know’—then just sip your drink and stare into the distance.” — Hannibal Buress

“Nothing’s hotter than a guy who’s just slightly too prepared for a disaster. Like, okay, you have one emergency go-bag? Sexy. You have five different escape routes from your own apartment? Sir, I’m calling the FBI.” — Leslie Jones