Trump Faces the Ultimate Recession: Losing the Sex Worker Vote

Donald Trump’s presidency may be headed for an unexpected pothole: the nation’s sex workers. As traditional economic indicators struggle to reflect the daily realities of inflation, stagnation, and the vibe in gentlemen’s clubs across America, a new set of metrics is emerging—ones that involve stilettos, stage names, and awkward Venmo requests. Welcome to the world of the Stripper Index and the Brothel Recession, where recession isn’t just theoretical—it’s “no bookings on a Friday night” real.

From the fallout of SESTA/FOSTA legislation to a full-blown OnlyFans recession, the adult industry is experiencing a downturn that some insiders blame on Trump-era policies. Polling data from within the escort community and red-light districts suggests Trump is rapidly losing traction with voters who once appreciated his libertine swagger. Now, he’s struggling in the “red-light politics” department.

This isn’t just Trump economy satire—it’s a serious shift in the adult industry vote, with implications for his overall approval ratings. As economic humorists and political satirists alike take note, Trump and sex workers are becoming a cautionary tale of cause and effect—where once-silent voters are now grabbing the mic… and the polling pole.

Tariffs and Trade: The Unseen

Trump’s Struggle to Maintain the Sex Worker Vote

In the grand theater of politics, every vote counts—even those from the often-overlooked constituency of sex workers. Recent trends suggest that this group, historically silent but economically insightful, is turning away from President Trump. Let’s delve into this unexpected shift with a blend of humor and hard-hitting analysis.

The Brothel Barometer: An Economic Indicator

Catherine De Noire, a manager of a legal brothel and a Ph.D. candidate, observes that business at her establishment has taken a downturn since Trump’s election. She attributes this to global economic uncertainty spurred by U.S. policies. When the world’s oldest profession starts seeing fewer clients, it’s not just a local issue—it’s a global red flag. ​HuffPost

Expert Opinion: Economist Marta Norton acknowledges that while anecdotal, such indicators have validity. Traditional measures may not yet signal a recession, but the experiences of sex workers suggest otherwise. ​HuffPost

Strippers’ Tips and Trump’s Popularity: A Correlation?

Dancer and influencer Vulgar Vanity reports a significant decrease in earnings, with clients tipping less or not at all. This mirrors the dip in Trump’s approval ratings among women. When those in the business of pleasure aren’t receiving, it’s indicative of broader dissatisfaction. 

Public Opinion: Social media platforms are abuzz with discussions about economic hardships, with many pointing fingers at current leadership.​

SESTA/FOSTA: Legislation with Unintended Consequences

The signing of SESTA/FOSTA into law aimed to combat sex trafficking but inadvertently pushed consensual sex work further underground, making it more dangerous. Sex workers feel betrayed by an administration that promised protection but delivered peril. 

Testimonial Evidence: Many sex workers have voiced concerns about increased risks and decreased income post-legislation, highlighting a disconnect between policy intentions and real-world effects.​

The Lipstick Index Loses Its Sheen

Traditionally, the “Lipstick Index” suggests that during economic downturns, consumers opt for affordable luxuries like lipstick. However, with sex workers facing financial strain, even these small indulgences are out of reach, signaling deeper economic woes.

Statistical Data: Recent sales reports from cosmetic companies indicate a stagnation or decline in lipstick sales, aligning with the struggles reported by sex workers.​

Trump Faces Re-Erection Problems: The Sex Worker Vote May Be Limping Away

Wall Street Has the Dow. Brothels Have the “Ow.”

When economists talk about recessions, they usually whip out bar graphs and start pointing at inverted yield curves like they’re playing Charades at an accountant’s retirement party. But when the girls at the Lucky Lady Ranch start offering “Buy One, Get a Sigh” specials, America should clutch its pearls—because the sex worker vote is flaccid with disappointment.

According to HuffPost’s reporting, sex workers from brothel bosses in Europe to dancers in Austin are seeing a massive downturn in business. And if there’s one thing we know about Donald Trump, it’s that he never wants to hear the words “downturn” and “business” in the same sentence—unless he’s talking about his 7th casino bankruptcy.

But this time, the red-light district is sending a red-alert: Trump may have lost the sex worker vote, and with it, the last truly bipartisan constituency left in America—people who just want to feel good for a few minutes.

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Madam President? Not Yet. But Madam Economist? Absolutely.

Catherine De Noire, a brothel manager with a PhD in organizational psychology, may not be on the Federal Reserve board, but she has something more accurate than Jerome Powell ever will: a working knowledge of who’s too broke to afford a foot massage.

“Clients are coming in less often, negotiating harder, and choosing cheaper services,” De Noire told reporters, in what economists now refer to as the “Hand Stuff Is the First to Go” effect. According to her calculations, top earners at her European brothel are down 50% compared to the same time last year—meaning either capitalism is dying or everyone’s staying home to binge “Yellowstone.”

In America’s economy, it turns out G-strings are a better indicator than GDP.

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Trump’s SESTA/FOSTA: From Regulation to Recession

Sex workers also blame the Trump-backed SESTA/FOSTA legislation, which was supposed to combat sex trafficking but instead ended up making it harder for consensual adult workers to operate safely online.

Think of it like trying to fix a leaky faucet with a flamethrower. Sure, the leak’s gone, but now the sink is on fire, the kitchen’s gone, and somehow you’re being sued by a guy named Kevin from Craigslist.

Daisy NoGloves, a Las Vegas escort turned political commentator, said, “Trump signed away our websites and then bragged about protecting the children. Sir, I was using that website to pay for my child’s braces.”

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The Stripper Index: A Polemic Against Trump’s Economy

Vulgar Vanity, a dancer and TikTok influencer, told HuffPost that she used to rake in six figures just from dancing at Austin’s big events—Formula 1, South by Southwest, and ironically, the Texas Reproductive Rights March. But this year?

“I walked into a dead club,” she said, “and left with just three crumpled fives, a menthol, and a QR code to a crypto scam.”

Financial analysts say the Stripper Index is one of the first indicators of a downturn. When guys stop tipping, it’s not because they found Jesus—it’s because their rent just went up $800 and they’re pretending Top Ramen is a lifestyle choice.

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Beer, Brothels, and Budgeting: The Trifecta of Recession

According to assistant professor Jack Buffington, beer sales—specifically craft beer—are down, signaling a discretionary spending crash. This pairs nicely with the decline in brothel revenue and lipstick sales, which experts now call the “Triple B Recession.” (That also happens to be the bra size of the median OnlyFans creator, according to absolutely no reliable data.)

A recession is coming, say economists, and it’s wearing sweatpants, declining your card, and asking if “venmo works?”

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Lipstick Index: Recession is Written on Our Faces

The Lipstick Index, a tongue-in-cheek measure that cheap luxuries rise in sales during downturns, has gone completely matte. Sales are so low that Sephora employees are now moonlighting as Lyft drivers and offering contouring tutorials in the back seat.

Statistically, lipstick is down. Coincidentally, so are stripper pole tips, bar tabs, and Trump’s polling numbers among women who know how to spell “exploitation.”

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The Brothel Bailout: A Stimulus They Can Get Behind

In a bold new initiative dubbed “Trickle Down, Then Tip Up,” Nevada brothels have begged Congress for an emergency relief package. The proposal includes:

• Hazard pay for workers forced to explain to crypto bros that no, you can’t pay in Dogecoin

• Tax deductions for emotional labor, including pretending to like libertarians

• A “Freedom G-String” made entirely of American flags and shredded GOP talking points

Senator Josh Hawley quickly condemned the proposal, saying, “Sex work isn’t real work. Unlike being a Senator, which involves long hours of tweeting, misinterpreting the Constitution, and pretending not to know what OnlyFans is.”

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Trump’s DEI: “Dancers Excluded Intentionally”

Despite Trump’s insistence that he “loves women, especially the hard-working ones who sweat professionally,” many dancers say they feel betrayed by his economic policies.

Tiffany Twerkerson of Reno says, “He used to brag about knowing models. Now he’s ghosting an entire industry of women who technically are self-employed small-business owners. We were his base! His literal base!”

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Poll Dancers & Poll Numbers: Both Are Down

A March 2025 Gallup poll found Trump’s approval rating among independent sex workers has dropped from 42% in 2020 to just 7%, lower than his approval rating among vegan beekeepers and twice-divorced clergymen.

When asked for comment, Trump responded: “I’ve done more for hookers than any president. People say that. The best people say that. They were all over me in the 90s. Tremendous people.”

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The Madam’s Rebuttal: “He’s Not a Client. He’s a Liability.”

De Noire recalls a time when American businessmen made regular pilgrimages to her brothel with expense accounts and emotionally repressed investment portfolios.

“Now?” she said. “They show up, cry about inflation, and Venmo $30 for ‘talking.’ I didn’t sign up for therapy. I signed up for roleplay and role pay.”

She’s even considering pivoting to therapy full-time, citing, “It pays more and no one asks for costumes.”

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What the Funny People Are Saying

“Trump losing the sex worker vote is like McDonald’s losing cows. It’s not the end, but it’s definitely a logistical nightmare.” — Ron White

“I asked a sex worker how business was going. She said, ‘Let’s just say my clients are giving IOUs and asking if I take food stamps.’” — Jerry Seinfeld

“Trump’s idea of helping women was handing out beauty pageant sashes like they were COVID tests. Now those women are voting with their heels.” — Sarah Silverman

“When the strip clubs are empty, and the brothels are quiet, that’s when America’s really in trouble. That’s when men start trying to date again. And no one wants that.” — Chris Rock

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Helpful Content: How to Tell if You’re About to Lose the Sex Worker Vote

1. They Start Quoting Keynesian Economics Mid-Lap Dance
If your local escort uses the phrase “consumer demand shock,” you might be in trouble.

2. They Switch to Selling Foot Pics in Yen
Diversifying your currency portfolio is a sign the dollar—and your support—is shrinking.

3. Their Tips Are Mostly Coupons
When you’re tipping in expired Domino’s gift cards, it’s not just bad taste—it’s bad policy.

4. Their OnlyFans Page Starts Featuring Recipes
They’re not just cooking up content—they’re preparing for food insecurity.

5. The “Client List” Includes Your Opponent
If Biden’s campaign starts appearing in SugarBaby DMs, you’ve lost the room.

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Red Light, Red Flag: A Nation in Economic Flaccidity

As America’s oldest profession faces a cold spell, Trump’s campaign may find itself lacking its usual enthusiasm from the high heels and halter top crowd. Without the votes of strippers, escorts, dominatrixes, and foot pic entrepreneurs, Trump’s base is missing its foundation—literally.

Political analyst Crystal C. Chiffon, a retired dancer turned PAC director, says, “The sex worker vote used to be quiet but loyal. Now it’s loud, organized, and surprisingly into macroeconomics.”

She continued: “If Trump wants us back, he’s going to have to do more than slap our butts with Bibles. He needs to bring back foot traffic, web platforms, and high-rolling clients. In short: stimulus, not stigma.”

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Final Thoughts: The Economics of Touch

In a nation divided by class, race, gender, and whether it’s okay to eat pizza with ranch, sex workers have remained the great unifiers. Their services transcend politics, economics, and shame.

And now? Even they’re struggling.

If a stripper can’t afford her stage shoes, and an escort is asking if it’s okay to carpool, that’s not just a recession—it’s a full-blown market collapse. And if Trump can’t win back the sex worker vote, he may be the first Republican in history to lose the support of people who get paid to pretend they like you.

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Disclaimer

This article is a 100% human collaboration between two sentient beings: the world’s oldest tenured professor and a 20-year-old philosophy major turned dairy farmer. No AI models were harmed in the making of this recession-proof erotico-political commentary.