Government Shutdown 2025

Episode 1: “Survivor: Washington, D.C.”

Welcome back to America’s Favorite Unscripted Political Drama, where the stakes are high, the logic is low, and the only winners are the ones who already got paid. That’s right, folks—it’s government shutdown season!

For those just tuning in, here’s the plot: Congress, in a shocking turn of events, has once again failed to do its job. As a result, hundreds of thousands of federal employees are left wondering whether their paychecks will arrive before their landlords do. Meanwhile, members of Congress continue to collect their salaries, ensuring that at least one group of Americans stays financially stable during these trying times.

Like a season finale cliffhanger that keeps repeating itself, the government shutdown is back, proving that our elected officials are as skilled at financial planning as a teenager with their first credit card.

The “Essential” vs. “Non-Essential” Employee Hunger Games

Every shutdown, we get a masterclass in government priorities, and nothing highlights this better than the essential vs. non-essential employee debate.

Federal employees wait with bated breath to see if their job title translates to “You must come to work, but we won’t pay you” or “You can sit at home and update your LinkedIn.” It’s like a bureaucratic game of “Red Light, Green Light,” except no one really wins, and everyone loses rent money.

Take Jerry, a 12-year veteran of the USDA, who suddenly found out he was non-essential—a blow to his ego and his grocery bill. Meanwhile, Bob from Homeland Security, who describes his job as “mostly forwarding emails,” remains essential and must continue working for free.

“It’s a great honor to serve my country,” Bob says. “I just wish my landlord accepted ‘great honor’ as a form of payment.”

Congress, however, remains 100% essential—at least to themselves. While their staffers beg for Venmo donations, lawmakers continue drawing paychecks like they’re the star quarterbacks of a team that hasn’t won a game since the 1990s.

National Parks: The Great American “Closed” Sign

One of the first casualties of a government shutdown? Our beloved national parks. Because if there’s one thing Washington, D.C. knows how to do, it’s turn nature into a bureaucratic mess.

Imagine planning a family trip to Yellowstone, only to be greeted by a ranger holding a cardboard sign that reads, “Sorry, the bison are on furlough.”

But don’t worry! While the government might not be able to fund park rangers, it can afford to send law enforcement officers to ticket you for stepping onto closed trails. That’s right—there’s no money for keeping the Grand Canyon open, but there’s plenty of funding for keeping you out of it.

Local businesses, of course, suffer immensely from the closures. Mary, who runs a souvenir shop outside Yosemite, says, “I haven’t seen a customer in days. At this point, I might start selling ‘I Survived the 2025 Shutdown’ shirts instead of ‘I Survived Yosemite’ ones.”

Congressional Paychecks: The One Thing That Never Shuts Down

Ah, the beauty of Congress: no matter what happens, their paychecks are the last thing affected.

“We deeply regret the hardship this shutdown is causing,” said Senator Blathersby, adjusting his designer suit while sipping a $12 oat milk latte. “But tough choices must be made. Just not for us, obviously.”

In a rare show of bipartisan unity, politicians from both parties agree that they should still be paid while their constituents suffer.

“You don’t understand,” House Majority Leader Chad Fiscaltight explains. “If we stop paying ourselves, who will advocate for the American people? We must lead by example—specifically, the example of not feeling any consequences for our actions.”

Meanwhile, an exhausted federal worker, three weeks behind on rent, watches this unfold and thinks, “Maybe I should run for office. At least then I’d get paid for doing nothing.”

The Shutdown Blame Game: A Political Art Form

One of the most entertaining parts of any shutdown is watching politicians act like contestants in a bad reality show, pointing fingers while avoiding responsibility.

“It’s the Democrats’ fault!” shouts Republican Rep. Tucker McFilibuster.

“No, it’s the Republicans’ fault!” fires back Democratic Senator Ellie Progressia.

The media, always ready to stir the pot, runs Breaking News banners like “WHO KILLED THE GOVERNMENT? SHOCKING NEW TWIST!” Meanwhile, the American people stare at their empty wallets, whispering, “Who cares? Just turn it back on.”

Even political analysts agree: shutdowns are like those restaurant disputes where two people argue over who should pay the bill—except in this case, neither side wants to pay, and they stick the check to the public.

Last-Minute Negotiations: Congress’s Favorite Sport

Nothing screams effective governance like Congress waiting until 11:59 PM to consider solving a problem they’ve known about for months.

“We will work tirelessly to reach a last-minute solution,” declares House Speaker Jim Procrastinowski at 11:58 PM, looking at a bill he has not yet read.

Like a college student pulling an all-nighter before finals, lawmakers scramble to piece together a budget deal at the last possible second, often deciding major economic policies with less preparation than most people put into ordering a pizza.

“Do we even know what’s in this bill?” a lawmaker is overheard saying.

“Does it matter?” another responds.

Spoiler alert: It doesn’t.

Federal Workers: The Yo-Yo Employees of America

For government employees, shutdowns create an experience that economists call “financial whiplash”—where one day you’re a functioning worker, and the next you’re debating whether to sell plasma for gas money.

“I love my job,” says Lisa, a furloughed EPA scientist. “But I also love eating. And unfortunately, one of those things is optional right now.”

Every shutdown, federal employees are caught in a tragic cycle:

1. Work stops.
2. Congress argues.
3. Work resumes.
4. Congress takes credit.
5. Repeat in six months.

It’s the least fun rollercoaster in America, and the only ride where the workers running it aren’t allowed to get paid.

Shutdown Diet: Because Food Safety is “Non-Essential”

Good news: with the FDA operating at limited capacity, you can finally eat that expired sushi in your fridge with confidence!

During the shutdown, food safety inspections slow down, leading to what experts call “the great American stomach gamble.” If you’ve ever wanted to experience the thrill of Russian roulette at dinnertime, now’s your chance!

And it’s not just food—the CDC also takes a hit. Meaning, if you get food poisoning from that questionable chicken, good luck getting federal disease tracking to confirm it.

As one shutdown-weary American puts it, “I didn’t think ‘basic food safety’ was something the government needed to debate, but here we are.”

TSA: Working for Free, So You Can Keep Your Shoes On

Despite the shutdown, airport security agents still show up, unpaid, to frisk you for your travel-sized shampoo.

“We appreciate their dedication,” says Transportation Secretary Pete Suitcase. “Now, if only we could afford to pay them.”

Morale among TSA agents is at an all-time low. Some have adopted a “finders-keepers” policy for confiscated items. Others have abandoned traditional searches entirely, opting instead to stare at passengers with the dead-eyed resignation of someone calculating how many hours of unpaid work they’ve done.

At some airports, security lines are so slow that passengers have ample time to reconsider their life choices before reaching the scanner.

“Do I really need to travel?” one traveler wonders aloud. “Maybe I’ll just send a postcard.”

Congressional Approval Ratings: The Impossible Floor

If you thought Congress’s approval rating couldn’t get lower, shutdowns are here to prove you wrong.

According to a recent poll, Congress is now less popular than root canals, DMV lines, and stepping on a Lego barefoot.

“We understand the frustration,” says Senate Minority Leader Susan Inept. “But trust us, if you think it’s bad watching this from home, try sitting through these budget meetings.”

With disapproval ratings skyrocketing, some lawmakers have resorted to rebranding, attempting to sell the shutdown as a “limited-time government detox cleanse.”

“Think of it as a chance to see what America would be like without bureaucracy!” tweets one senator, quickly deleting it after the replies section turns into a digital bonfire.

Shutdown: The Ultimate American Tradition

Every nation has its traditions. France has wine. Japan has cherry blossoms. America? We have government shutdowns.

It’s an event so uniquely ours that even foreign leaders are baffled by it.

“Wait, you stop paying your own workers… on purpose?” asks one confused European diplomat.

Yes. Yes, we do.

And like any great American tradition, the shutdown will come back again, year after year, with the same arguments, the same consequences, and the same lack of long-term solutions.

So, to all federal employees, TSA agents, national park lovers, and exhausted taxpayers, we say: stay strong. Because if there’s one thing we know for sure…

This will happen again.

15 Observations on the Looming Government Shutdown

1. The “Essential” vs. “Non-Essential” Employee Dilemma

Observation: In every shutdown, we discover who’s “essential” and who’s “non-essential.” It’s like the government’s version of high school clique drama.​

Evidence: During past shutdowns, hundreds of thousands of federal employees were furloughed as “non-essential,” while others continued working without pay. ​houstonchronicle.com

2. National Parks: Nature’s Closed Signs

Observation: Nothing says “enjoy the great outdoors” like a “Closed” sign on a national park during peak tourist season.​

Evidence: Previous shutdowns have led to the closure of national parks, disappointing tourists and local economies alike. ​en.wikipedia.org

3. Politicians’ Paychecks: The Untouchables

Observation: Isn’t it funny how during a shutdown, the folks who caused it still get paid? It’s like grounding your kids and then giving them ice cream.​

Evidence: Members of Congress continue to receive their salaries during shutdowns, leading to public outcry and proposals like the MCCARTHY Shutdown Act to withhold their pay. ​en.wikipedia.org

4. The Art of the Blame Game

Observation: Watching politicians blame each other for a shutdown is like watching toddlers argue over who broke the toy—they all had a hand in it.​

Evidence: Both parties often engage in finger-pointing during shutdowns, each accusing the other of being responsible. ​

5. The “Urgency” of Last-Minute Deals

Observation: Congress has a unique tradition of waiting until the eleventh hour to pass funding bills. It’s like cramming for finals, but with national consequences.​

Evidence: Continuing resolutions are frequently passed just before deadlines to avert shutdowns, reflecting habitual procrastination. ​

6. Federal Employees: The Yo-Yo Effect

Observation: Federal workers during a shutdown are like yo-yos—furloughed one day, called back the next, all without knowing when the string will snap.​en.wikipedia.org

Evidence: Shutdowns result in furloughs and uncertainty for federal employees, affecting their financial stability. ​en.wikipedia.org

7. The Shutdown Diet: No FDA, No Problem

Observation: With the FDA on hiatus during shutdowns, it’s the perfect time to test that five-second rule.​

Evidence: Food safety inspections can be halted during shutdowns, raising concerns about public health. ​

8. TSA: Touching Stuff Aimlessly

Observation: During a shutdown, TSA agents work without pay. So next time you’re annoyed by a pat-down, remember—they’re doing it pro bono.​

Evidence: Essential personnel like TSA agents are required to work without pay during shutdowns, leading to low morale and potential security risks. ​

9. The Irony of “Government Efficiency”

Observation: We have a Department of Government Efficiency, yet we can’t keep the government running efficiently. That’s rich.​theguardian.com

Evidence: Despite efforts to improve efficiency, shutdowns highlight systemic inefficiencies in government operations. ​

10. The “Temporary” Furloughs That Last Forever

Observation: “Temporary” furloughs during shutdowns feel like when your mom says, “We’ll see”—you know it’s indefinite.​

Evidence: Furloughed employees often face uncertainty about the duration of shutdowns, leading to financial and emotional stress. ​MarketWatch

11. The Shutdown Workout Plan

Observation: Can’t afford the gym? Wait for a shutdown and join federal employees in the new fitness craze: protesting for paychecks.​

Evidence: Federal workers have organized protests and marches during shutdowns to demand an end to furloughs and pay freezes. ​

12. Congressional Approval Ratings: Limbo Edition

Observation: Just when you think Congress’s approval rating can’t go any lower, a shutdown limbo dance proves you wrong.​

Evidence: Government shutdowns often lead to significant drops in public approval ratings for Congress. ​New York Magazine

13. The “Essential” Pizza Delivery Guy

Observation: During a shutdown, the most essential government service becomes the pizza delivery guy to all those unpaid workers.​

Evidence: Local businesses often step in to support furloughed federal employees, offering discounts and free services during shutdowns. ​

14. The Great Wall of Voicemail

Observation: Trying to reach a federal agency during a shutdown? Enjoy the endless loop of voicemails reminding you that your call is very important.​

Evidence: Many federal agencies halt operations during shutdowns, leading to unanswered calls and delayed services. ​

15. Shutdowns: The New American Pastime

Observation: Forget baseball; predicting the next government shutdown has become America’s favorite guessing game.​

Evidence: The frequency of government shutdowns has made them a recurring topic of public speculation and media coverage.